The Sketch Show
by fuzzy-grapes
Summary: A whole lot of weird sketch type things. I will add them as I think of them. Fourth one: Chix Verbil is certain Holly is hitting on him during an eventful game of tennis...
1. I'm Sorry

AUTHORS NOTE:

This is sort of random – I thought of all the things while I was playing tennis. Like, strange! But anyway, I don't know how long this will be. I'll just constantly add things when I think of them. It isn't a story – just a lot of little short things that you can read seperatly or whatever. BTW, I don't own anything that Eion Colfer wrote. I am sad. So here are all my little pieces of random, stupid, silly story-type things. Have fun!

**The Sketch Show**

Number 1: I'm Sorry!

**Police Plaza**

It was training time for the fairies involved in the upcoming police crunchball match. All of Recon had turned up for training and at this very moment Holly and the commander were throwing the ball to each other while their coach, Foaly, tried to hack into the computer records of the team they would be playing.

"Why the hell does that stupid centaur get to coach us anyway?" Asked Root.

"Because I am the only one of you Recon jocks who does not enjoy physical activity. With the exception of Grub Kelp and Ark Sool, but you don't really want them as the coach - do you, Julius?"

"LOOK, FOALY. THE FACT THAT I AM COMMANDER SHOULD SAY SOMETHING TO YOU ABOUT THE WAY YOU TALK TO ME BUT IT DOESN'T. IN FACT, I DON'T KNOW WHY I DON'T JUST FIRE YOU THIS INSTANT!"

"You don't fire him, commander, because his gadgets come in handy 'occasionally'." Holly remarked, smiling.

"More than occasionally!" Protested Foaly.

"Whatever." Holly threw the ball to Root. She had overthrown it a bit and he had to run and retrieve the ball. "Sorry, commander."

"It's okay, captain. You don't have to apologise."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Short, I said it was okay!"

"Ooops. Sorry about that."

"Short. Shut up!"

"Okay." Holly realized that saying 'okay' had violated the 'shut up' rule. "Sorry." Then she realized what she had just said. "Sorr- I mean…….Oops?"

"Look, Holly. By apologizing for that you are assuming that I wouldn't be able to go and get it. Are you implying that I am too old/unfit to get a ball that someone has thrown to me?."

"No, sir. Sorry, sir. I didn't mean that."

"Good." He threw the ball past her head. It hit Foaly and knocked his foil cap askew.

"Ow!"

"And I didn't say sorry to you OR him because you all realize that it was an accident."

"Got it, commander." Holly didn't actually get it but she wasn't about to apologize for it. She threw the ball too far again. It hit Chix Verbil in the shoulder.

"Sor-"

The commander held up a warning finger. "Don't say it!"

"Ooops. Sorr-"

"Short. Don't do it!"

"I'm sor-" That was when the ball hit her in the face. "Ow!"

"And, even though that was on purpose, I will not apologize! Because I did it for your own good."

Holly didn't get this logic either. Foaly picked up the ball and threw it to the commander. But, due to his lack of co-ordinaiton, the ball went waaaaaay harder and further than expected and ended up hitting the commander somewhere………very sensitive.

"And I'm not going to apologize to Julius because that was a complete accident. Right?"

And as the commander lay on the floor in pain he tried his hardest to think of something to say to Foaly. He could only think of one thing. "D'ARVIT!"

AUTHORS NOTE:

See? I told you it was stupid. So please review. If you love it, tell me. If you think it could be better, tell me. If you hate it, tell me! Go to town! Insult me! At least I'll be getting reviews! Seeyas!


	2. Shut the Door!

AUTHORS NOTE:

Hey, look! It's another lot of randomness from me! BTW, if you can think of anything good I can put Artemis Fowl into – TELL ME! NOW! OR I WILL GET YOU! (evil laugh) AND STOP THINKING THOSE THOUGHTS ABOUT ME! (Oh dear, I think I'm turning into Opal Koboi.)

**The Sketch Show**

Number 2: Shut the door!

**Commander Root's office, Police Plaza**

Commander Root leaned back in his desk chair, placing his feet on his desk. He immediately fell backwards.

"AAAAAAH! D'ARVIT!" He yelled. He yelled this quite loudly and it attracted lots of attention.

"Commander!" Holly said. "What? Are you okay? I was on my way to the canteen when I heard you scream and…."

"Yes, Short. I am okay. No thanks to you."

"Huh? Are you sure you're okay? I mean, I couldn't have prevented this from happening."

"Suuuuure. Anyway, I-" Root noticed the door. It distressed his already distressed brain. "Short. The door. It's open."

"Yes commander."

"Short. SHUT THE DOOR!"

That was when Trouble Kelp rushed in through the door.

"Commander? Are you okay?"

"Yes, yes, Harold. I'm fine. Short, please shut the door."

Holly and Trouble exchanged glances. Harold? The fall must have knocked Root's brain quite a bit. "Commander. With all respect, are you sure you're okay? I can heal-"

"Yes, Short. I'm okay. SHUT THE BLOODY DOOR!"

"But commander. Trouble was the last one in here. Common etiquette dictates that he should shut the door."

"But I am COMMANDER of this place and I want you to shut the door."

"Isn't that sexist?" Holly protested.

At that moment Foaly galloped in.

"Commander. Are you okay?" He asked, sounding concerned. Then he noticed Holly and Trouble.

"You sound like you care." Snickered Trouble.

"I was just worried…..After all, if commander here gets it I don't get a paycheck. And, if you don't mind me saying, he screams like a girl."

"Excuse me," Holly said, "Are you saying that girls scream a certain way versus boys? That is sexist and unfair to the girls of the world."

"BENJAMIN! I AM OKAY! GET THAT INTO YOUR PIXIE BRAIN! SHORT! SHUT THE DAMN DOOR!"

"Excuse me, Julius. My brain is not a PIXIE brain. It is much smarter than a pixie's brain – I am smarter than Opal Koboi."

"Yeah. And, commander, I still believe that Foaly should shut the door. He was the last one in here."

"Oh, for heavens sakes. I'LL shut the stupid door!" Trouble got up and shut it. "Now, commander. Short is right. We should get you medical attention soon."

"I am FINE, Harold. Just a bit knocked about from the fall." Root attempted to get up. Just then a knock sounded at the door.

"Fair lady, the one who screamed. It is me, Chix Verbil, your knight in shining armour!"

This sounded weird to Root. "WHAT THE D'ARVITING HELL?"

Foaly snickered. "Chix is right, commander. You do scream like a girl."

"I said before, that's sexist!"

Trouble was annoyed. "Whatever. Let's just get the commander down to the medi-warlocks fast."

So they heaved the commander down the hallway. He got very distressed at that point.

"DID ANYONE OF YOU IDIOTS SHUT THE DOOR?"

AUTHORS NOTE:

Ookay. That was even stranger than last chapter. Oh well. Please review!


	3. Where?

AUTHORS NOTE:

Woah, a strike of inspiration! Sadly, this is based on a real event involving a magpie, my friend (who is afraid of birds) and another friend (who seemed a bit blind on this particular day). What is it? Crazy… you'll have to read to find out!

**The Sketch Show**

Number 3: Where?

It was the time of the year when the LEP needed to check on Artemis Fowl and make sure he was showing no signs of regaining the memories they had so kindly wiped him of the year before. An experienced team of fairies had been put together to spy on the teenager and they were currently in a shielded fairy shuttle. Captain Holly Short, Captain Trouble Kelp, Corporal Chix Verbil, Commander Julius Root and Foaly, the LEP computer technition were that experienced team. Holly had her doubts about the merit's of picking Chix – she suspected the Council had wanted him to stop attempting to pick up various members of the female fairy population. But she was stuck with him.

"Are you cold, Cap?" He had asked her. She had shaken her head. He continued: "Cos if you are I could just extend my arm around your shoulders and-"

He had been abruptly cut off at this point when her fist connected with his shoulder and Trouble Kelp had been forced to separate them.

At this present moment, he and Trouble were looking out a window, spying on Fowl Manor, Commander Root was lighting up another pungent cigar and Foaly was doing something on the computer (Holly suspected he was surfing the Mud Man internet while the connection was strong). There was nothing for her to do. Strictly speaking, she was only there because she was the expert on the Fowl case. But they could at least include something for her to DO!

Trouble nudged Chix. "Look at that bird!"

Chix squinted up at the dark night's sky. "Where?"

"There!"

"Where?"

"There!"

"Is it that?"

Trouble sighed. "No, Chix, that's a tree branch."

Commander Root cleared his throat. "What exactly are you doing?"

Foaly leant on the desk. "They are attempting to bird watch, Julius."

Root turned on Foaly. "COMMANDER ROOT, FOALY! HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR THIS LITTLE BIT OF INFORMATION TO SINK INTO THAT THICK, PONY SKULL OF YOUR'S?"

Foaly flicked his tail, highly offended. "Excuse me? My skull may be slightly thick, however my brain is four-hundred percent more-"

Foaly was interrupted here by Chix Verbil. "Woah! Look at that hot chick!"

"No, that's a rainbow lorikeet." Trouble corrected him.

"Not the bird chick, the CHICK chick! The hot chick!"

"What hot chick, Chix? We're bird watching. There are no hot chicks. Unless you're into birds but…"

Holly interrupted. "Excuse me? Bird watching? We're actually on a surveillance mission."

The commander nodded. "Captain Short has the right idea. What the hell are you doing watching birds?"

"I'm not watching BIRDS, I just told you, it's a hot chick!" Chix was indignant.

"And I just told you, I think you're going crazy!"

"No!" Chix practically screamed. "There! Look!"

"Where?" Asked the occupants of the shuttle in one voice.

"There!"

"Where?"

"There!"

"Oh, INSIDE the manor!" Foaly was the first to spot it.

"Yes. YES!" Chix said, happy he wasn't going crazy.

"Hey, it's Juliet!" Holly exclaimed.

"When you have quite finished looking at the Mud Maid," Commander Root said in a calm voice, vein pulsing in his temple. "We can get back to the mission."

Foaly looked at Root's complexion and decided it would be best to obey. "Yeah, what Julius said."

"D'ARVIT, PONY-BOY! STOP CALLING ME JULIUS! AND, WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, EXPECT SOME SERVERE SHORTAGES OF GOLD IN YOUR BUDGET!"

There was a brief silence while Foaly contemplated this loss of money and Holly wondered why she'd ever agreed to come on this mission. This silence was broken by Trouble.

"Hey, there's another bird!"

"Where?"

"There!"

"Where?"

"THERE!"

"WHERE?"

And that was when a large pigeon (AN: Sorry, couldn't think of anything better) crashed into their shuttle.

**Fowl Manor, Dublin, Ireland**

The Fowl's were sitting down to dinner when they heard a loud crashing sound coming from their backyard.

"Hey, it looks like a bird just crashed in to a tree!" Called Juliet.

"Where?"

"There!"

"Where?"

AUTHORS NOTE:

Comment's, suggestions and criticism are totally welcome. Please tell me if things are a little out of character - I've been reading the Harry Potter books for a few weeks and I might be sort of making things weird... I also need ideas for other things I should do… Got any?


	4. Love

AUTHORS NOTE:

Hi peoples! Okay, let me tell you something. I actually did not mean to update this at right now. But then I was playing tennis and I had an idea (actually, two ideas) for this story and right now I'm going to post one of the ideas. So, Jamie Love, just letting you know, I was going to update Reality TV: Lower Elements Style before I did this one (either this weekend or next weekend) but, you know, I got side tracked. Sorry! You can read the full list of all of my excuses for not updating… when I update. Yay!

**The Sketch Show**

Number Four: Love

**Police Plaza, Modified Crunchball Courts (Now known as tennis courts)**

The Council had decided the Police force needed to become more of a team. You know, fostering trust speeds communication. Standard operating procedure. Unfortunatly, this meant the officers actually had to trust each other. So, they were divided into teams, spent a day and a half practicing trust exercises (it would have been longer, however the exercises came to an abrupt halt when Grub Kelp became so engrossed in examining his nails for imperfections he was crushed by the falling Foaly he was supposed to be catching. Neither of them were seriously hurt.) then had a tennis tornament against the other teams. Which is what they were in the middle of now.

"Kiss me if I'm wrong, but is your name Faustina?" Someone tapped Holly Short on the shoulder. She groaned. And turned around.

"Yeah. Yeah, my name's Faustina, Chix. Get the hell away from me if I'm wrong, but is your name Charles?"

Chix Verbil looked faintly disappointed that Holly had not fallen for his latest attempt to get her to go out with him. "Hey, I'm your next tennis opponent. Wanna _play_?"

Holly scowled, noting the way he raised his eyebrows when saying the word 'play'. "Let's get this over with. Quickly." She grabbed a racquet. "I'll serve first."

Chix nodded. "Whatever you say, baby."

Holly chose to ignore this remark, on the grounds she would hit the ball as hard as possible towards him.

Holly served, the ball sailing smoothly over the net. Chix hit the ball back and she sprung forward and slammed it into the far corner of the court.

"Yes!" she yelled. "15 – Love."

Chix raised an eyebrow. "Did you just call me love, love?"

Holly frowned. "No!"

"Are you sure? Cos I defiantly heard-"

Holly served again, fast and hard. By the time Chix took his eyes off her, the ball was about to hit him. He sprang back, letting the ball go past.

"30 – Love."

"There!" Chix shouted. "You did it again! You know you love me!"

Holly kicked her racquet impatiently. "I did NOT just call you 'love'."

"You did it again!" Chix teased.

"I did not!"

"Don't hide your true feelings, Holly."

Holly kicked her racquet, angrily. "Just give me the ball," she said through gritted teeth. He did. She served. She won the point.

"40 – Love."

"You did it again!"

"I DID NOT! This is just the way tennis is scored!"

"Oh, yes. In tennis it is necessary to call your opponent 'love' after every point."

"What? It it!"

Chix jerked his head towards the court next to him, where Commander Root and Trouble Kelp were playing tennis. "You don't hear them calling each other 'love'."

"That's because the score is thirty – fourty!"

"Well, our score is fourty – zero!"

"LOVE IS THE WORD FOR ZERO IN TENNIS!" Holly breathed hard through her nose. She needed to get out more – she was getting more like Commander Root each second. And someone else had noticed.

"Calm down, Holly! You're starting to sound like Julius!" It was Foaly, wearing a tennis visor jauntily placed over his foil hat. "I'm collecting the scores. Then I'll put them into a scoring program exclusively designed by yours truly, which will deduce the winner by adding up the scores, finding the-"

"We haven't finished playing yet-"

"Guess what?" Chix leaned closer to Foaly. "Holly is hot for me!"

Foaly smiled. "Wo-o-o-o-h!" (AN: This is a noise my friend makes during movies when people kiss. It is like a wolf whistle.)

"I am not! He just thinks that because the score is 40 – Love."

"Hey! You just called me 'Love'!" It seemed Foaly did not know much about tennis.

"I DID NOT! IT'S JUST THE WAY THE GAME IS SCORED!"

"Whatever. Can you just continue playing. I sort of need to get this score down. Otherwise the program will be unable to calculate the-"

Holly stopped listening. She threw the ball into the air and served. A little bit harder than nescesary. "Game."

Chix lay on his back looking at the celing. It was not the first time he had ended up like this on one of his quests to impress the ladies. Unfortunatly, this did not stop the embarrassment.

As part of the rules of the team competition, the officers played one game against each person from the other teams. Holly was playing against Commander Root. She deeply hoped there would be no confusion over what the score meant. Meanwhile, Chix was playing against Lili Frond. She served. Two faults.

"Love – 15." She said.

Chix looked up hurridly. "Did you just call me 'Love'?"

Lili looked coyly at him. "Maybe I did, " She said, batting her eyelashes.

A few courts away, Holly shuddered. "No, I did not just call you love!" She yelled at Commander Root. Behind him, Foaly giggled. "Suuuure."

AUTHORS NOTE:

I hope that people who do not play tennis get this. You see, instead of scoring 1, 2, 3, etc, tennis is scored by saying: 15, 30, 40, Game. If the other person is on zero and you are on fifteen the score would be: 15 – Love or Love – 15, depending on who was serving. If you get it, YAY! If I have just confused you totally, no matter. Just smile and nod. And don't forget to review! Thanks.

BTW, Some little notes to my totally fabulastic reviewers:

Carmane: Actually, I've never heard of 'Snippets from Potterverse'. Is it good?

Goldie.dk: I am an interesting person. I think.

PeanutButterOreoCookieGirl: I will take that as a compliment. (lol)

Stiggy: Thanks for idea, I may use it (but, as I said before, I have a really weird idea that I may or may not post soon.)

Jamie Love: I will update some time in the next two weeks. (please do not sue me if this approximation is untrue. Lol.)

Also to sergeantstan, Semine Midnight, Lugian-Holly Before Swine and IwuvMyKenshyPoo: Thank you! You guys totally rock! Let us all eat cute little pieces of cheese!


	5. Artemis attempts to make a friend

**1/1/07: Now with new BIGGER words, copied directly from wikipedia (so whatever minion edited that article BETTER have been right)!!!**

**Well, this is just something I thought of when I was preparing to write the next bit of one of my other stories – it's a bit pointless and whatever but I thought, since I haven't done anything for this story in ages, I'll post it. Okay, in this Artemis attempts to make a friend. This cannot be a good thing.**

Butler first brought it up.

"Artemis," Artemis's bodyguard had begun, rather informally, "I have been thinking about your wellbeing in the months since our last … escapade. I have talked to your mother regarding this manner and we both believe it would be healthy for you to socialize more with people your own age."

Artemis had almost fired Butler on the spot. But one did not become one of the world's greatest criminals by being hasty.

So, he settled on raising an eyebrow threateningly, to give Butler the benefit of doubt. This action was slightly less pleasing, as the consequences were less eventful, but Artemis kind of didn't want to fire Butler. After all, the bodyguard had been protecting him since birth and Artemis felt a bond with him. Almost like a son and father. Or at least two related males (assuming, of course, that Butler was all man). Still, he had to clarify exactly what Butler had meant by his statement.

"Excuse me?"

Butler hadn't really wanted to bring up the subject, but Mrs Fowl had insisted. And Butler did agree that it would be healthier for Artemis to get out more. So, he bit the bullet, so to speak.

"Well, Master Artemis, Sir, Mrs Fowl, your mother, wished for you to-"

Artemis was impatient. "To what, exactly?"

"To make a friend."

_Dun, dun, dunnnn._

* * *

And that began Artemis's search for a friend to appease his mother. He had, of course, read many books on the matter of friendship. Most of them psychological analysis's of group dynamics. But, in real life, books don't help you make friends, especially in the age demographic Artemis was dealing with.

Artemis had made an executive decision to ask a boy in his class, David, to be his friend. An exceedingly direct approach, perhaps, but Artemis thought it would work fine. He had chosen David solely for one reason: David and his friend, Alex, had recently had a fight which transgressed from insulting each other to dacking each other, finally coming to a close in a dramatic fist fight. Needless to say, they were not friends anymore. Well, not at this moment, at least. This left Artemis an open window of opportunity which he intended to fully embrace by attempting to befriend the less violent of the two.

To Artemis's surprise, he found himself fighting off nerves as he prepared to approach David. Artemis considered himself superior to his classmates – actually, to the vast majority of the people living on this earth. But a subconscious neurotic mechanism of compensation wouldn't save him from feeling humiliation amongst people who ridiculed him for being what they perceived as a stuck up rich kid and his lack of a bronzed and muscular build.

Gathering every last drop of courage he possessed and briefly shuffling his cue cards (on which he'd written a speech outlining his intentions towards David), Artemis stood in front of David and coughed.

"Outta my way," David grunted, shoving Artemis to the side. Not the most encouraging of starts. Nevertheless, Artemis began speaking.

"Greetings, fellow classmate," Artemis said, looking down at his notes. "In light of your recent disagreement with your former friend, I am hoping you will extend the hand of friendship to me. I think you will find I am a suitable replacement for whatever relationship you held with Alex. We can become … mates," Artemis finished. Then he thought he'd better add a bit of slang, so that he and David could bond over their lack of language skills. "It would be … cool."

David blinked at the pale kid standing in front of him, trying to understand what he'd just said. He gave up and told Artemis to go and do something to his computer that Artemis doubted would be anatomically possible. However, Artemis decided not mention the impossibility of this, as he watched David push past him again. Perhaps David was severely deluded regarding the inner-workings of the male reproductive system.

Artemis was, once again, reminded why he didn't associate with him classmates often.

**It's a bit short… Please comment on, criticize, give me advice, whatever! I have one other thing to post up – it involves Mulch Diggums – so keep an eye out for that soon. Seeya!**


	6. The Irrational Antics of Mulch Diggums

AUTHORS NOTE:

Hi! Wow, it's been a while. I am now in Year 8 and all my free time seems to be spent either doing homework, playing sport or sleeping. Allow me to enlighten you on how little free time I have: I hope to have the next Reality TV: Lower Elements Style chapter up by easter. No promises, lol. And, of course, I'm working on something a little different, a little more complicated, requiring a little more preparation and a little more hard work – hehehe, excuses. Anyway, I wrote this ages ago and I wasn't even going to post it, but then I thought. 'well, I've been in-active for so long… why not just post this up?' Anyway, so this is slightly short, strange and pointless, but so is most of the stuff I do!

**Reasons why no one invites Mulch Diggums to weddings:**

The priest cleared his throat. "You may now kiss-"

A loud sound exploded from somewhere in the middle of the audience, interrupting the priest. A small individual levitated up, propelled by gas, and landed back on his chair.

"Excuse me," Mulch Diggums apologized, surreptitiously buttoning a bum flap on his tuxedo. The guests held tissues over their noses. The bride shot Mulch a dirty look.

The priest sighed and began again. "You may now kiss the-"

Another loud noise. People were starting to edge away from Mulch. The bride was regretting her decision to invite him.

"Hey, that was not me!" Mulch yelled, jumping on his chair. Not that it made any difference. "I swear!" He looked at the sea of faces around him. "Whoever did that, own up!"

"Look," said the priest, tired of this, "Just go to the bathroom already."

The bride sighed. "Shut up and kiss me," she told the groom.

He better have given us a good wedding present, she thought.

**Reasons why no one takes Mulch Diggums out for dinner:**

"My shout," said Mulch's new underworld contact, Bert, reaching for a menu.

Mulch smiled and beckoned a waitress.

"Okay, I'll have the pasta, the pizza … does the risotto come with the lamb? No matter, I'll have that too. What the hell, give me one – no, make that two - of every dish!" Mulch commanded, feeling a little like Noah from that Bible story. "And make the chicken a la carte."

Mulch had a feeling he'd pronounced the last phrase wrong, and he didn't know what it meant, but it sounded good.

Bert was looking nauseous. This wasn't exactly a cheap restaurant.

"Nice restaurant, isn't it?" Mulch asked, lounging back. "We'll have to come back sometime. You know, to celebrate our successes together."

The excursion was never repeated.

**Reason why no one hires Mulch as a house keeper while they're on holiday:**

"The pot plants are dead … And, where'd all my jewelry go?"

**SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE'LL BE A GOOD BUSINESS PARTNER, HOLLY?**

Report compiled by Foaly, technical consultant of the LEP.


	7. The Mulch and Holly Detective Agency

_**Aaah, how long as it been? Just to let you know, this isn't very good. I just thought that I'd better write something, and fast. I've been busy writing this thing for fictionpress that I've gotten a flash of demented inspiration for, so that's been taking up some time which is really no real excuse. But, yeah, I just had this odd little idea, wrote it up in 10 minutes and now I am going to post it. So please just keep that in mind when thinking how bad it is. Smiles!**_

Holly and Mulch were out investigating one of their cases.

"So this is your only piece of evidence?" Holly asked the woman who'd hired them, pointing to the half eaten cake.

The woman nodded. "Yes. Yes, that was where I had been keeping my priceless diamond necklace."

Holly and Mulch exchanged a glance. "Okay then," Holly said. "Er … Could I just ask a question?"

"If it'll help you with the case, sure," the woman replied.

Holly nodded. "Okay. Why were you keeping your jewelry in a cake, of all things?"

"To prevent anyone from taking it, of course," the woman replied, as if it were common sense.

Holly coughed. "Well, that's very … logical, I'm sure." She turned to leave and caught Mulch nibbling on a bit of the cake. And Mulch's version of nibbling was more like taking huge mouthfuls. Holly slapped his arm. "Mulch! Stop eating our evidence!"

"Sorry, Holly," Mulch mumbled through his mouthful of cake. "I was just … testing it."

"For what, exactly?"

"Well … cake-ness. But I am pleased to say that it is purely, 100 percent untainted cake. It's quite delicious, too. You did quite a good job, ma'am."

The woman nodded. "Thank you."

Holly sighed. "As I was saying, we'll get back to you in a few days with what we've found out. I'm sure that we'll be able to locate the necklace-"

"OOAGH!" Mulch interrupted Holly, with the talking-with-your-mouth-full version of 'Eureka!'

Holly frowned. "Mulch, I thought I told you to _stop_ eating the cake?"

Mulch swallowed hastily. "Yeah, well it's a good thing I did because I _found_ the necklace!" He held up the jewel-encrusted piece of jewelry. "Here it is! It must have just been in a slightly different place!"

The woman smiled broadly. "Oh, thank you! I feel so silly, to think that it was just there but thank you for finding it!" She opened her purse. "Here you go, a little reward."

Mulch and Holly's faces simultaneously looked happy, then sad as the woman counted out five coins into each of their hands.

"Wow," Mulch commented. "Around fifty grams of gold. Thank you so much."

The woman ignored his sarcasm, or maybe didn't notice it. "My pleasure. Thank you so much!"

----

As they were walking back towards their van, Holly looked at Mulch suspiciously.

"I swear," she said as she opened the doors to the van, "that that necklace was not there before."

Mulch looked slightly sheepish. "Well … I might have just had a few criminal urges a few nights ago …"

"Mulch!" Holly exclaimed. "We're detectives! You can't be a criminal." She smiled. "Although, knowing you, you full well can."

Mulch smiled. "And that's why I'm just so damn loveable."

Holly put the van into 'drive', simultaneously starting the engine and slapping Mulch's arm. "You keep telling yourself that."

_**I know I probably don't deserve it but please review for some inspiration : )**_

_**I'll try and update the other Artemis Fowl things soon! Have an enjoyable day!**_


End file.
